Sexual Harassment In Public Schools: The Case for Equal Rights

Good morning, everyone.

Firstly, I want to thank each and every one of you 
who have taken the time to read my last post.

I am so glad that the word is getting out 
as to what our children face daily thanks to a politically correct and litigious society.

Words cannot express the appreciation I have for all of you who took the time to uplift and reaffirm my stance on the situation involving my son, Ian. 

And that so many of you have lifted him and our family up in prayer, 
leaves me speechless.

Thank you.

I have been shocked that so many have experienced the same thing with their children and yet, this kind of thing is still allowed to go on!

And I have been dismayed that there are those that think I'm the one making a mountain out of a molehill.

No, I'm not. 

It's about right and wrong.

It's about TRUTH.

And it's about stopping this before it happens to someone else.

Enough is enough.

It stops here.

It stops now.

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I encourage each of you to take the time to read your school's 

Anti-Bullying/Sexual Harassment Policy.

I'm sure that you will find, like I did, that while there is plenty of information about the rights of the victim, there is virtually nothing about the rights of the accused.

Just google sexual harassment on the internet and see what you find.

There is plenty of information about the rights of victim, literally none about the rights of the accused.

Now, that being said, it is VERY IMPORTANT to protect victims of bullying and sexual harassment in our public schools.

It is imperative that they have a voice and they are protected.

I cannot emphasize this enough.

But...

It is equally important 
that the rights of the accused are protected as well.

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The fact of the matter is, children are children.

At these young ages, they do some really stupid stuff.

My son KNEW there is a hands off policy in place at his school and if he had followed that rule none of this would have ever happened.

HOWEVER...

Like, I said...

Kids do stupid things.

Why?

Because they are children.

And they lack the knowledge and wisdom
to know any different.

At his age, he could not fathom that an innocent game he was playing with his friends would result in something like this.

Children are going to touch each other.

It's what they do.

(Although if you had talked to the interventionist, HER sons NEVER touch each other and it must be because Ian is a wrestler.  Oh yeah...  That statement was made by the woman who is ALSO the ATHLETIC DIRECTOR at the middle school.  Unbelievable.  Believe me, the one conversation I have had with her since the initial one in the school office was full of comments that had me shaking my head.)

If your children are anything like my children,
they can't NOT touch each other.

They're wrestling around.

They're picking on each other.

They're grabbing each other.

In fact, if they're anywhere close to each other,
some kind of tussling is going on.

I know I am not the only parent who hears,
"He's touching me!"

It's part being a child.

Does a child really truly understand consequence?

No.

While we can try to teach them that lesson, 
studies have shown that their brains are not capable of it.

And in the society we live in,
we have forgotten that children are just that...

Children.

And they're going to act like it.

The wonderful part of being a child is the spontaneity of it.  

The lack of worries and cares,
 that we as adults, are so burdened with.

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The time is coming for them, all too soon, 
to have to worry about these things.

And the fact of the matter is, they are not mentally capable of thinking of action vs. consequence.

Are we really going to raise our children to think hard before every single move they make, before every single word they speak?

To teach them to live in fear?

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Children can't realize the consequence of accidentally touching someone in an inappropriate place

and

they can't realize the repercussions of leveling a false accusation like that at one of their classmates...

Because they are children.

That's why it's important to have guidelines in place not only to protect the rights of the victim, but ALSO the rights of the accused until all the facts in the situation can be fully fleshed out - and to have an adult in charge of the situation responsible enough to not react in a knee-jerk fashion.

Believe me, I get the feeling that there are those in our school administration that wish I would just shut my mouth.

I can see on their faces that I'm beating a dead horse.

Yes, Ian, in the way of a child, has moved on.

He is not worried about it.

Because he cannot, being a child, understand the seriousness of the allegations.

Thankfully, Ian has a great self-esteem.

Another child may have not reacted as well.

But, I am an adult.

I realize how serious it was.

I understand that things might not have gone
the way they thankfully did.

I have not dismissed the injustice.

And I will not.

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This isn't about Ian anymore.

This is about every child 
in our school district.

If I can prevent even one child and their parents from going through what our family has experienced the last few days, then I don't care how many people I offend, it will have been worth it!

Believe me, I have had a lot of time to think deeply about the incident that occurred on Wednesday.

In fact, it's all I think about.

It has consumed my every waking moment.

My heart is with the girl and is so sorry she had not been taught the difference between accidental and intentional touch.

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But really, did you even think about it 
before you heard about this or a similar situation?

I admit, I had never given it a thought.

But, while my heart understands where the girl was coming from and does not blame her, my love and loyalty are with my son.

Let me very clear:

I do not blame the girl, 
I blame the school and the adults responsible for the situation.

Wading through everything
that Ian experienced in the last few days, my conclusion is:

His rights were violated 
every single step of the way.

Why?

Because he had been accused of a very, very bad thing.

That as adults, causes us to recoil in horror.

And as such, he was treated as if he was guilty
from moment the accusation was made.

And because he had been accused of such a heinous crime - a felony in the adult world - his rights ceased to exist.

And this is wrong 
on so many levels.

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A school that is charged to protect the physical and mental well-being of my child, did everything but that.

And the fact that it was at the hands of an adult
who should have known better, makes it that much worse.

His right of innocence until proven guilty:  VIOLATED

His right to a fair investigation:  VIOLATED

His right to privacy:  VIOLATED

My rights as a parent:  VIOLATED

I think our schools need a comeuppance as to just what their rights are, when it comes to our children.

Who is ultimately responsible for MY child:  ME

NOT the public school system.

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And not only was my right to be present with my son
while he was interrogated about the incident
violated ONCE, it was violated TWICE.

Oh, yes.

Even AFTER I made it clear to the school principal that I was furious that I had not been with my son while he was questioned the FIRST time, he proceeded to pull him and another student into his office yesterday and AGAIN Ian was questioned without me present.

Unbelievable.

And it gets better...

Because I was not present during his THIRD interrogation, he was made to write an APOLOGY letter to the girl and SIGN it, putting into writing his admission of GUILT.

Oh, yes.

I believe the letter went something like this:

Dear (Name Redacted),

I'm sorry I touched you.  
I didn't mean to.  I'm sorry.

                                                                                  Ian Heise

Not "grabbed".  Touched.  And not even "touched your arm".  Simply "touched".

A statement wide open 
to interpretation.  

I guarantee you, had I been present, 
such a letter would have NEVER been written.

They just don't get it.

I kind of feel like I'm David going up against Goliath, but like David, 
I will put my trust in the Lord and have faith that He will go before me.

And then to hear from the interventionist herself, that she had violated my son's privacy ONCE AGAIN by asking an entire table full of boys in a crowded lunch room on Thursday about the incident and what they had seen
 BLOWS.  MY.  MIND.

Whatever possessed her to do such a thing I have do idea.

Especially because I had stressed that I was worried about rumor and speculation over a false accusation.

Wow.

It begs the question of malice.

To get back at a mother who schooled her well,
in front of her superior.

Believe me, I could go on and on and on.

The facts are...

The following needs to be put in place as POLICY/PROTOCOL in ALL of our public schools and I have outlined each of them in a letter to our Superintendent of Schools that will be hand delivered on Monday:

1)  Parents should be informed immediately via phone call, when allegations of a serious nature are made against their child.

2)  An advocate should not only be appointed for the accuser, but also for the accused, until the parent can arrive at the school to be with their minor child, to avoid a child feeling alone and threatened in the school environment, and throughout the entire investigation.

3)  No child should be interrogated regarding bullying/sexual harassment without the presence of their parent.  Period.

4)  Children should NOT be immediately released back into a classroom setting where they have the opportunity to further, in their naivete, rumor and speculation, and also be given the opportunity to malign the character of their classmate.  This concerns both the accuser AND the accused.  This is for their own protection.

5)  UTMOST care should be used in protecting the names and reputations of BOTH of the children involved in such cases, whether the accusations be factual or false.  Children do not always understand what they do, and in this situation the intended action of the accused was far different from the action interpreted by the accuser.  In this case, the boy is falsely accused, the facts are discovered and the charge is repudiated, and the girl gains the reputation of being untruthful.  This could have all been avoided had the situation been handled with discretion.

6)  The term "sexual harassment" should NEVER be used in the accusation of a minor without the presence of his/her parents and without FULL investigation of the incident to determine whether or not the term is appropriate, if at all.  

7)  The children of (School District Name Redacted), as part of the Good Touch/Bad Touch Curriculum will be thoroughly taught the difference between "intentional touch" and "accidental touch".  Had the young lady in question been fully aware of the difference between the two, this whole entire situation could have been avoided.

I do not feel that any of these demands are unreasonable, but merely common sense and should have been in place to begin with.

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The school failed my child 
all the way across the board.

Thankfully, Ian is well known and well liked.  Ian has some very brave and very good friends that were willing to stand up for him.  But had the child in question been new to the district or was shy and had very few friends, the damage to his reputation and character would have irrevocably been damaged.

And NO child deserves that.

I encourage each of you to write a letter to your school, local school board, and superintendent of schools questioning and entering into an open dialogue about school policy regarding bullying/harassment.

Don't leave it up to someone else.

PLEASE don't wait until you're put in the position of having to protect and defend your child.

Be involved now!

Because it may just be your child that is accused next time.